We all may have heard the following sayings: “There are starving children in China”, “Finish your plate before you can… go play, talk on the telephone, or ‘whatever’”, “If you don’t eat all your food, there will be no dessert”, “I slaved over a hot stove all afternoon making this great dinner for y’all, so I expect you all to eat everything on your plate”. Do you find yourself believing these remarks that may have been ingrained into your way of thinking as a child? Well, I sure did. When my children didn’t eat everything on their plates, I didn’t make them sit at the table until they did, I just finished it for them, because G-d forbid it should go to waste in the trash can.
And so my story started; and so we all had some form of “eating” disorder. Mine: “just eat everything!” My sisters not only got the good “skinny” genes, but moreover they were “smart” enough to purge or to just starve themselves. So, I just ended up, well “UP”. Being from a Jewish ethnic group, food is the ultimate family foundation, friend, and fiend. Some religions even prescribe what foods you have to have for what occasion. When someone is born you bring food and eat a meal for the family, some sweets for the siblings. When someone dies you bring food and eat. For those of the Jewish faith, we must have eggs. For my husband’s Greek family, you must have fish. For a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, there must be mounds of tuna, gallons of cream cheese covered by a metric ton of lox (smoked salmon), and more gluten than should be consumed in a month, from which you must not only sample one of each, but you are obligated to sneak a cookie or two out the door in a napkin! And so it goes…. Or so it went. For 55 years.
When I went to live with my Dad and Stepmom at age 8, the first thing she did was put me on a diet, even though I was only a little chunky. My stepbrother used to tease me that my arm was as big around as his leg, but to me, he had pretty skinny legs! I had to drink “Metrical” for dinner every night for about 3 months or so. Of course, I snuck things here and there, because you know you can’t keep even a young foodie down. As I grew older, I would “chunk-up”, then grow a little and “slim down”, then “chunk-up”.
For the first 2 years I was going out with my future husband in college, I’d gain about 20 lbs and then when we’d break up, I’d lose them. At the time of our August 26, 1979 wedding, I was fairly stable at a size 12 Wedding Dress, and was so happy that my “Going Away” outfit, was still a size 10!
Fast forward 32 wonderful years of marriage, 3 wonderful children, a successful career, and a life that moved daily through sitting in a chair for 10 to 12 hours, night meetings every night, and eating dinner most nights well after 8 pm or even at 10 pm. While running after 3 children was some exercise, I was never an exercise buff. Friends rode bikes, went to the gym, played tennis, and while for a brief 3 month period (maybe) I worked with a dear friend who was a personal trainer, my life style and love of food kept a strong hold.
My stepmother always said: “the Gift of Ge-a-gi-ya, to see ourselves as others see ya”. I truly lived in Egypt on “De-NILE”, because despite my love of dancing, I just didn’t see myself as the “fat ballerina”, or in this case “Fat” Ballroom dancer. I believed I was heavy and overweight maybe, but not rotund or obese. But, I happened upon a friend who had always been much heavier than I and she looked “MAAAAVELOUS!” I mean “A-MAAAZING!” Lapband and Dr. Fusco she said. We had lunch and she told me about it, but my personal mirror and schedule hindered me from going to any of the sessions for much. Besides, I wasn’t that heavy remember!
July 4, 2010, I was at the river with friends and was suddenly struck by the image in the picture—OMG, that cannot be me, but OMG it is. I finally had the gift of G-d to see myself, and OMG, I just didn’t like it. I might have mentioned having tried all the things along the way, like Atkins, Weight Watchers, Grapefruit, Soup, Liquids, Slim Fast, Lean Cuisine, Diet Pills, more Diet Pills, so when I finally saw myself as others must be seeing me, I made the decision right then and there—I had only one choice to save my life and be around for my husband, my kids, my grandkids, my dancing, and my life. I knew this was my last resort and last chance. If I couldn’t succeed with this, I was doomed to die young, riddled with heart disease, diabetes, and whatever else came along with obesity. Yes, I could finally admit—my name is Rochelle, I’m a food-aholic, and I am (was) Obese.
Things happened fast thanks to a supportive husband, terrific Dr. and his staff, and my will, which while I’ve always been stubborn or “head-strong” as my grandparents liked to say, was never used for controlling my food addiction. But, now, I was determined. Within 3 weeks, I had seen everyone I needed to see: my primary, a therapist, the nutritionist, the fitness instructor, the doctor, the insurance was there, all systems “GO!”. We went to our 3rd year of Ballroom Vermont, a dance camp for adults where you’re dancing for 10 hours a day and having a wonderful time with newly made friends. I lost 10 pounds at dance camp, which started me getting ready for the procedure, which was scheduled within days of our return.
August 8, 2011 is my new birthday! The surgery was a breeze and my new journey had started. By October/November, people started saying “umm, are you losing weight?” By December, it was getting more noticeable, as our friends who came for New Years were so complimentary and in disbelief. When we went on vacation in April with two couples from Ballroom Vermont, my husband teased “let me introduce you to my new wife”, and their mouths dropped to the ground. It just keeps getting better and as I come upon my one year anniversary, I’m down almost 70 pounds from my worst, and more than 50 pounds from my surgery!!!
I must say that at first, I did not tell people about my surgery and Lapband, because I had failed so many times that I couldn’t bear the thought of having gotten this “tool” and not succeed. Here’s what has been so miraculous for me: I NOW HAVE A FULL BUTTON. I never had a full button—you know the one that says, “whoa Nelly, you’ve had enough, no more, nothing else will fit!!!”! Now, only so much will fit and I can feel it. It feels great. I also am committed obsessively to exercise—no more excuses of no time, a meeting, have work to do, don’t feel like it. Now, if I don’t do Zumba, dance, Yoga, Body Sculpt, and whatever else 5-6 days a week, I’m miserable and feel fat. Yes, how the dicken’s can I feel fat now, with my ‘little’ love handles on the size 10 or 12 body that I have now, and didn’t feel fat on the size 20 body that I had a year ago.
We tried to teach our children that life is all about choices. That’s the whole thing behind the Lapband system. See you can choose to have 4 ounces of fudge or 4 ounces of good nutrition. Am I perfect with this—absolutely not! Most days, I’m really good, but Sunday is my eat whatever I want day. If I want a piece of French baguette with butter and need a gluten fix, I do it. If I make cookies for my grandkids when they all come over for Sunday dinner, I have 1 or 2, or even sometimes 3 or 4. But come Monday, I’m back at dance, zumba, yoga or whatever is on the schedule, and 4 oz’s of protein!
So, how does this relate to you? I don’t know, but hopefully you’ve found something in my story that touches you, reflects your history or circumstance, or perhaps “resembles” your own story. I can only tell you that I see the world differently now, and I’m never, ever going back. This has been a lifesaving tool for me, and I’m so grateful for Dr. Fusco and the gifts he has, the staff he’s put together, my family and friends who have been supportive and are helping me along the way. It really is all about choices and seeing ourselves in a new light. My choice will hopefully be to always stay in light.
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